ADHD kids asking for help.
How to teach ADHD kid to ask for help when necessary
– 3 minutes read –
Have you ever noticed that your ADHD child refuses your help but actually he needs it?
For example,
- He seems stuck with his homework but doesn’t want your help
- He doesn’t ask questions in class even if he doesn’t understand a subject or task
- He says he’s fine with organizing his room, but he doesn’t know how to do it
☹️It’s frustrating not only for parents, but also for your ADHD kid, right?
Then your kid starts losing patience or even confidence because he starts saying negative comments in his head or even to you: “ I’m stupid.” “I can’t do it”…etc
According to Sharon Saline Psy.D., one of the reasons is “because of a fear of looking incompetent or weak.”
When you think about situations as an adult at work, it’s easier to imagine it – confident people don’t hesitate to ask questions and aren’t scared of judgement by doing it.
I have seen it in my ADHD son as well, the same situations as the examples I mentioned above. And one thing that changed how he behaves when he ACTUALLY needs help is…
I ask him for help. Even if I don’t need help, sometimes.
It sounds so simple, but you know that your kid often imitates what he sees, right?
Now he asks for help when he needs it. I don’t have to insist much, or I ask him “Do you need help?” and he says yes.
What I do in my daily life to show him it’s ok to ask for help is:
- Ask him to help me carry grocery bags
- Ask him to explain what some words mean ( We live in Quebec where French is an official language. I learned it as an adult, so I still have many words I don’t understand!)
- Ask him to help me with cooking
- Etc…
What’s great about asking your ADHD kid for help is that he
- Learns naturally that it’s normal to ask for help and questions
- Learns HOW to ask
- Feels useful
And every time he helps you, don’t forget to give a word of appreciation / compliment!
E.g.
- Thank you for carrying the heavy groceries, you saved my arms!
- You explain it so well! I learned something new thanks to you.
- Cooking is so much faster and more fun when you help me!
These words serve as a “reward,” and he will probably do it again without you asking him in the future because it feels good to be appreciated.
Of course it’s important not to ask too much or not to ask for a long task, because it can be overwhelming for him.
I’d say 1-3 requests a day can be handled well without overwhelm.
Does your ADHD kid hesitate to ask for help?
References: