Parenting style.
Change your Style without Changing your Personality
– 3 minutes read –
When our psychologist asked us (my husband and me) to complete a checklist about “parenting style,” I wondered: What is that for?
We had to do the checklist separately, and it turned out we didn’t share the same parenting style. We still don’t.
Unfortunately, the checklist results didn’t help us much at the time because we didn’t delve into the parenting styles literature or research. However, years later, I realized it could be a great guide for any parents, especially the ones with neurodivergent kids.
📕If I had known the differences among the four main parenting styles back then, and which one was best for raising an ADHD child (especially a strong-tempered one!), my ADHD parenting journey could’ve been a bit easier.
💚Just to be clear, I’m not saying we have to change our personalities if our current style isn’t the best one. It’s like you can still be a good cook, even if you have to change your cooking style from Asian to Italian because your kid prefers Italian. So please review the infographic and explanation below with an open mind—it doesn’t determine whether you’re a good or bad parent.
The graphic above is the simplest way possible to explain the 4 styles of parenting.
🤔So to raise an ADHD kid, which one is the best and most effective?
The answer is Authoritative.
So what exactly is an Authoritative parent?
🖍️Authoritative parents build close, nurturing relationships with their children.
They set clear guidelines, explain reasons for rules, and use discipline to support rather than punish.
Children can give input on goals and expectations, with frequent communication.
This style leads to confident, responsible children who can self-regulate, manage negative emotions, and achieve better social and emotional health.
Encouraged independence results in higher self-esteem and academic achievement.*
Whereas…
Authoritarian parents enforce strict rules without explanation, expecting their children to obey without question. There is no room for negotiation, and mistakes lead to punishment. These parents are less nurturing, have high expectations, and offer limited flexibility.
Children raised this way are often well-behaved and can follow precise instructions but may become aggressive, shy, socially inept, and struggle with decision-making.
They have low self-esteem and difficulty managing anger due to a lack of proper guidance.
Strict rules can lead to rebellion against authority as they grow older.*
If you’re interested in knowing what your parenting style is, you can take this quick self assessment here.
For your info, I was in the middle between authoritarian and authoritative styles when I took it a few years ago. Now I can say I’m much more authoritative, of course, after years of struggles!
Take care,